What gives you purpose?

Many moons ago I watched a young fellow named Philip DeFranco do a silly youtube show.  I thought he was pretty funny and subscribed to his page.  I would occasionally get emails from youtube but never once did I read them.  I'm not a huge youtube person really.  I went there to re-learn crochet and I do watch funny stuff on there from time to time.  ( Honestly if you've not yet seen Lo Pan Style, you've not lived.  If  you don't know who that is, it's from John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China 1986. )  So when these subscription emails came in they were immediately deleted.  For years.

Months ago I was bored and cleaning out my email when one came in.  Lil PhillyD is still making videos.  I watched a couple of them.  He's still kinda funny, he's political but really rather unbiased and he's moved on up to more of a studio (well in one room anyway) than where ever like he use to be.  I'm not always so keen on his sexy girl thing but to each his own.  He's doing well and that's groovy.  Anyway, the subscription email came out today and it had a video from PhillyD from 3 days ago.  What gives you purpose?  It was good.  No flashy intro, no chicks, no news, just his opinion.  Not just of things around him but of himself.  Everyone soul searches but with someone so public and so out there it's nice to see that he can just be himself and say "I have issues too".

It's really deep.  Thinking about things like that around the holidays is nothing new.  What gives me purpose?  I'm a wife and a mom but it's not all that defines me.  It's a huge part of my life and I choose to be a great wife and mom.  I don't just do it because I have to or it's expected of me.

I did that silly "tell everyone what you're thankful for" on fb last month and it really made me realize that with the busy life schedule, I often forget the little things that make it worth it.  I crochet because I enjoy it, not just profit. I'm a giver, I'm a believer, I'm me.  I don't want to be anyone else.  Life isn't perfect but if we didn't stop and ask "why am I here, who am I really, what do I enjoy" then we'd never know the answers.  You don't just say "oh now that's the answer to a question I never asked".

I wake up in the morning and turn off the alarm.  I stumble to the kids room and wake them up.  I stumble to the coffee pot for some tasty caffeine and as I sit here sipping I remember that I'm really thankful to be able to wake up.  I'm thankful we can afford a rental home and heat.  We can afford coffee and computers.  I'm incredibly fortunate to have a husband I love to the depth of my being and he loves me.  We have two really great and healthy kids.  Life is good.

I love to crochet, chat with family online, I love to give things to others and help others.  A friend once told me that I must have wonderful karma.  I don't know.  Karma is kinda doing selfless acts for others so you may receive greater gifts.  If I'm doing these things because I get fulfillment doing them, does it not make it a selfish act? sigh.