Honesty or saving feelings?

Today, I watched a video about fat shaming vs fat acceptance and it prompted me to comment but the comment was honestly too damn long so I wanted to bring it here. This post has to do with weight and health. I welcome your comments and interactions but let's try to be kind.

Once upon a time, I worked as a sleep technician and doctors were sending patients to me who were NOT happy to be there. I can't tell you how many times I heard "well my neck was too big so they said I have sleep problems and DOT won't give me a license renewal so I have this test I don't need", "that doctor's got a real racket, calling me fat and the only "FAT" is you guys sitting on your fat stacks of money" and one that made me rethink my career choice ... a child, male, 7 years old, over weight, his parents were also larger people and the boy was there for a sleep study. It is already bizarre to have a child come in for a sleep study. There are a lot of things that are hooked up to a person to track movement on their legs, chest, scalp, etc and it's hard enough getting an adult comfortable enough to sleep somewhere with all that crap on them, much less a child. The only other child I did a study on was a 4 year old girl, she was tiny and her mom said she snored. The doctor wasn't concerned but the mother was insisting on having her daughter's tonsils removed because she read that would fix snoring and the doctor was basically saying "let's try this first" in the hopes it was something we could pick up on and stop snoring without surgery. But for adults, yeah, most of them were in for these reasons: 1) They snore and didn't want to try to lose weight/eat healthier and take the time to get their bodies in a better condition to then breathe better, so they've decided to ask their doctor for:          A) Tonsil and adenoid removal     B) Laparoscopic gastric belt surgery

2) Those that had actual medical conditions and needed a CPAP for supplemental oxygen at night only. 3) DOT Licenses

I'm not knocking anyone. Everyone has their own reasons for needing a sleep study. Let's talk about the 7 year old male patient. The parents said they all sleep in the same bed and we had a bed large enough for them so that wasn't a problem. I didn't ask questions because we all have different living situations and they mentioned their son has night terrors. They were super kind to me and I with them so it was not really an issue. Middle of the night, everyone was sleeping and one of the monitors goes offline. I was in the next room but we had a system where someone else about an hour away monitored all the techs in case they saw something we didn't. She called me and asked if I caught that, I told her I had and I was checking stuff in the office before I went in because we tried not to wake anyone. But I was quick because this wasn't just any monitor, this was his heart. I got in the room and it's dark except for the light from the hall so I grab his bedside monitor and start checking the leads quickly as I can. Within seconds, this little guy sits straight up in bed gasping for air and then lays back down and is still fast asleep. His parents are unmoving and still snoring, one in the bed and one on a chair in the room. All leads intact.

By morning this had happened a couple other times. I'm terrified. Legit, this baby might have a heart condition.

We, as techs, are not physicians and are not at all allowed to tell them how the test went because we don't "read" them but we see things. I wake everyone and the young man is ready to go to the bathroom so I ask the parents to chat with me for a moment while he went to get cleaned up (the leads are stuck on with tape or a paste so sometimes it takes a minute to get all that out). I asked them if the doctor had mentioned a reason for why he wanted the test. The dad starts getting upset, and by upset I mean southern hillbilly, irrationally upset, and cussing about the Asian doctor who was a jerk to him and to his family. He said, "I told him if I catch him in a dark alley, I'll kill him" were threats he tossed at the doctor and "he told my son he's "obese" and because my wife and I are diabetic that our kid is likely to be. We told him he just snores and wets the bed so he needs his tonsils out to fix the snoring and he sent us here because of insurance".

At the risk of losing my job and/or being punched in the face, I had to make a choice. Do I choose their feelings and say, "Wow, gosh, that is CRAZY! If you don't like your physician you should get a second opinion" or do I say "Um, actually..." Keep in mind, I had been up all night in terror watching and running into the room for a 7 year old child, roughly the same as my own babies, gasping for air. This isn't "night terrors", this child has physically stopped letting air in and out of his lungs. There's potential his heart stopped and recorded information to verify it. I was in tears all night, on the phone with my backup gal, in case something happened and took the phone in with me every time I went in the room all night.

I took a risk. "So before I tell you how the night went I want to first tell you that I am NOT in any way a physician. I can NOT tell you what any of this means to your son's health but if my baby were in here I would hope someone would be honest with me. First of all, Dr S (not his name) really isn't a bad guy. I'm sorry for your experience with him but he's sometimes brutally honest, from what I hear from his patients. Secondly, your son may be having night terrors but have you noticed he sits up in bed in the night? (They said yes, that's the nightmares and then he wets the bed.) I cannot tell you if he was having nightmares but in each instance he sat up in bed, we had trouble with some of the connections. There may be an underlying issue to speak with the doctor about. Third, please know that OUR own physician will go over this with a fine tooth comb and contact your doctor. I've already discussed with him this morning that we noticed the disconnections so either he or your doctor will reach out to you with more information. If you're not happy with your doctor, get another, but please know that he's just trying to look out for your and your son's best interests even if he doesn't he doesn't have a filter. And lastly, there are things that can help a person's sleep and we call those Major Life Changes such as losing weight, going on a healthier diet, medication changes, quitting smoking, etc so if your doctor suggested he should lose weight he may well have just been saying that if those changes are made he may not need the study."

Mom and dad agreed to try to be nicer to the doctor because they'd rather have honesty than someone kiss their ass but whether they did or not, I don't know. You see, that was a Night 1 Patient. Generally, I would have a Night 1 Patient for a standard test and on Night 2 they'd be prepped with a mask and CPAP to see if the settings worked for them. If they didn't come back 9x out of 10, they didn't test in a manner that required a CPAP. I know he didn't fall in the "doesn't need it" position but he didn't return for night 2. I asked the scheduler if he was on with someone else but she said no. I could have asked our physician (reader of the tests) but that truly isn't my business and would likely violate HIPAA. That job wasn't for me. I stayed on for a few more weeks but my heart wasn't in it anymore. I loved helping people and I loved getting notes from work saying someone left a really great call or message that I had truly helped someone feel at ease and worked with them to make sure they got what they needed. Also, side note, of those that had their tonsils and adenoids removed, it did not always mean you will not be on a CPAP. I had about 40% of my patients that had theirs removed and still had sleep apnea. Not all were weight related either. Toward the end of my Sleep Technician days, more of my patients were in because of the DOT issue so I want to hit on this one really quickly.

The Department of Transportation states truckers have to renew their licenses more often than regular drivers. Truly, I'm not sure why they do it but I'm assuming it has to do with safety and making sure they are checked out and tested by a physician regularly. A driver who sleeps better and adheres to log regulations is less likely to fall asleep at the wheel and be in an accident. Not all of them know they do not sleep well because a partner, who is not always one that travels with them, often notices the issue where the driver does not. I've had many drivers say "I don't snore but my wife said I do" so then you snore bro. Not sorry.

Honesty Hour.

Driver : "My doctor forced me to come here and won't give me my card for DOT. He said my neck was too big. I don't even snore." Okay, again, I'm not a doctor, but according to the Mayo Clinic, having a neck size greater than 16 inches if you are a woman or greater than 17 inches if you are a man is one of the numerous risk factors associated with obstructive sleep apnea or OSA. You may be very healthy and that's amazing but if the muscle at the back of your throat cuts off your oxygen, no matter your neck size, a CPAP may help. You're not being singled out. It's not an attack on you or larger necked people, it is a scientific fact.

Driver : "This is all made up by the government and ya'll are sitting on fat stacks of cash."

No. Just ... no. We had a deal with a major trucking company and were expanding (this was almost 15 years ago now). Drivers would go into their physician for a physical. If they failed certain criteria that has in the past or could potentially in the future cause a driver to fall asleep at the wheel of his truck then yes, you might have to take a sleep study. You should do that with or without DOT certification issues from the physician.

Your physician gets paid by your insurance and get a fraction of what you think they get. They send you to do a study and get zero kickbacks from the sleep facility. They're looking out for you. Your company does not gain from taking you off the road for two days for a sleep study, and if they're paying for 1/2 then they're also losing out. While we had a deal with a trucking company, there were no kickbacks. We did the studies and it was charged to insurance. As a tech in about 2007-2008 I made $100 for Patient 1 and $10 more if there was a 2nd patient. I worked 7 nights a week for six months until I put my foot down. I washed all laundry from patients sleeping in the beds, cleaned leads and did follow up calls. We were barely making it as a family of 4 in a small house. Our office furniture was sub par except for what was needed for the test equipment and things to make the patient comfortable. My chair hurt like hell, the pc was patched together and we only had one scanner that barely worked to scan patient documents. Your sleep facilities are not Elon Musking it in the back rooms. They do this to provide a service and they want people to be healthy.

I, personally, believe truck drivers (long haul) should all be tested every 5 years. It doesn't just improve your sleep but your way of life. You have no idea how many drivers I later worked with that thanked me because they didn't realize how worn out they got just doing every day tasks that now they can do more of. Insurance usually will pay for a new one every two years. If you feel that's too much, at least have a card in your CPAP and take that in every six months to get a print out of how you're doing and how it can be tweaked to better help you. If a driver could cause the death of themselves, the death of anyone else, destruction of a very expensive truck, damaging customer goods, paying out to the families of the lives lost, buying a new truck, paying out for the goods ruined ... OR you could shut up for 1-2 nights and get a sleep study done to see if you even need it, isn't it worth it?

If you're a trucking company, be honest with your drivers about why you want them to get checked.

If you're a physician, be honest with your patients as to why you want them to be seen. It's just best.

If you're a driver, please be courteous. This isn't against you, it's for you. I promise. If you're a general patient, ask questions. Ask your doctor why they want to do it, are there options to avoid it, do what you can do to be PROACTIVE in your own health.

Be honest about your symptoms, ask for honesty from your physician and then don't be a baby when you get that honesty. You don't want them to save your feelings and tell you that you look great and you have a coronary on their front steps.

For anyone who has a CPAP and they hate it, before you pitch it, try another mask. Not every mask is perfect for every patient. You generally have a Full Face mask, Nasal Mask and Canula type mask/Nasal Pillows. Ask about them. Talk to your insurance if they say they won't pay for another yet. Get the prescription info for your CPAP and order masks online if you have to. Keep your mask, hoses clean and filters so you don't get pneumonia. If you have questions, call a tech. They'd rather you ask.

New Year's Resolutions vs. New Year Words and Affirmations

Someone in a Twitch stream that I frequent had mentioned they no longer use New Year's Resolutions, but instead use words that they can say when times are hard or stressful to remind them what they want or expect for their new year. These, really, are Affirmations that can be said at any time to place intention into whatever you do. You intend to lose weight or have a certain amount in your bank account so you would have words that positively remind and guide you to your goal. 

So you could say, "My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 lbs by summer" or you could say "Healthy Eating" as your goal for the year. If you want to do it by exercising more then your word would be "Exercise" or "Yoga". 

I have seen many people say they have only one word for the year. I have several. Over the past year it has been brought to my attention I suffer with issues regarding my self worth, fear, anxiety and health. So far my words are "Worth", "Joy", "Love", "Healing" and "Financial Freedom". Notice that the things I feel are negative words/emotions like fear and anxiety but the things I am affirming are positive like worth, joy and love. When you say words that are positive you increase the chances of improving your mood and drawing more positivity into your life. Another word I love is "Ripple" because with any financial freedom that comes my way I want to ripple that out to those around me and help them bring and attain joy, love, healing and financial freedoms.

Law of Attraction. <3

It has been said that New Year Resolutions are quickly forgotten, tweaked because you chose something beyond what you are capable or actually want to achieve. However, I feel, choosing words of purpose are far more attainable. What do you think? What are your words or resolutions for 2023?

Haigh "Jam" Jamgochian & John Jamgochian ...

Once Upon A Time ... A man I didn't know saved a lot of lives but all his family heard was of his plane crash. Now they know the truth. Now they know about the hero that changed lives that day.

Today, as I was searching on a website for jobs, I stumbled upon the last name "Jamgochian". I had recently told my son about seeing the crash and wondering how this person had been doing. There are no such things as coincidences, folks. I may not know the reason why I thought of him after all these years or who may read this that it might help, but I felt drawn to post about my experience. I've not felt motivated to write in a very long time (obviously) but here it goes.

October 1997, I was living in Canton, GA with my sister. She was a woman in the Military for roughly 14 years and had tickets to fly the Grand Opening of the Women's Military Memorial in Washington DC. Her mother was going to go but couldn't make it in for the trip so sis asked me. I had to work the day she was flying out so I was flying out the next morning. Sis wanted me to do a dry run to the airport, though I felt it wasn't necessary, because I was still roughly new to the area and I'd be driving up in the dark. 

For those unfamiliar with the Atlanta area, you have I-75 running north and south from TN and I-575 starts a pretty good way up but comes down through Canton, Kennesaw and down into Marietta before merging into 75. I worked in Kennesaw and sis worked in Atlanta. As with any city off the side of the interstate, you have your entry/exit area and that one had a large grassy, tree lined area beside the ramp to go into Kennesaw so you really could not see much of the city at that point. 

It was still a very warm day, I was in inexpensive foam flipflops and shorts because I was just the rider on this trip and we were going up, turning around and going back home. We took sis's little truck and off we went. The interstate was relatively busy, which wasn't unusual. We weren't bumper to bumper but probably 4-5 car lengths of space between vehicles that were side by side. (It's around Atlanta, yall, I'm sure we had our share of speeders in the fast lane but upon a glance at that time it was more or less what I'm describing.) We had just passed the ramp from Kennesaw onto I-575 when a small plane flew over the interstate. Being a person who often says what she's thinking I say, "He's flying too low" and immediately I'm concerned. I'm not great with distance so I can't tell you how high up he was at this point. Sis said something to the effect of, "There's a small airport near by, he may be circling to land" but I can sense she is feeling what I am feeling. I was drawn to look in my side view mirror, just so I could tell my self, "oh you see...nothing to worry about" ... only I couldn't say that. 

In my mirror I saw the tip of the wing of the plane drag across the road from the center of the fast lane through the slow lane and the plane crash into the grass below the trees. I looked over at sis, I said "we have to go back" she saw it too, she was getting into the center grass to turn us around safely. We were back there in moments. We jumped out of the truck, as did so many others who pulled over, and we all ran to the plane. The passenger door was either open or gone completely, it was hard to tell from the flames. I can still remember seeing the seat and being able to see the leg of the pilot on the other side. I tried several times to go help stomp out the flames, to get to the pilot, anything, but my sister pushed me back and told me my feet would be severely burned in the flipflops. I'd also have been in the way, as there were probably 8-10 people that had stopped at this point and one man who had an extinguisher in his truck, all trying to put this fire out. Within 3-4 minutes the fire trucks arrived and PD who we waited patiently to speak with. We saw it happen and I prayed something in our report to them would give the family peace. That man saved us. He was a hero.

That evening, sis got on a plane to go to DC and the next morning I did too. The flashbacks of the previous day's events were terrifying. It's all I could see. We walked around DC in the driving rain because we didn't want to take a car, we just wanted to walk and see things and try to enjoy the trip together. (We didn't grow up together, she and another sis are from dad's first marriage, me and another sis from dad's second and there is an age gap.) We met a wonderful woman at the hotel restaurant. Blessed woman saw two drowned southern mice come in from the street and invited us to sit with her while we talked about every thing that had happened in the last two days. We stayed friends with her for ages. We went to the opening the next day and it was a beautiful and touching experience. We went home. I'll be completely honest in saying, I have no idea how. I'm assuming we flew but I feel like I came in a couple days before she did because of my work schedule. I only remember going immediately to the newspaper boxes, I think at the ATL airport, trying to find anything that talked about the plane crash. I wanted to know who he was. I never found a paper.

Fast forward well over 10 years. The internet has evolved from only being able to access it at Libraries and Internet Cafe's to everyone having it at their fingertips. I thought about the man who saved us. I remembered the year but nothing more. I found information about John Jamgochian Jr, ex military and pilot with hundreds and hundreds of hours flying. I found the report from the airport stating he had the plane recently serviced and upon leaving he had engine trouble. John had radioed in and requested emergency landing clearance. He was circling around to land. I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that in those last moments he knew he had not gained enough altitude, when he made that turn over the interstate he knew he had to avoid the powerlines and save as many lives as possible in his descent. I know in my heart he planned exactly where to drag the wing knowing he HAD to land in that grass if there was any possibility of survival or at least saving the ones on the interstate and surrounding city. That's exactly what we told the officer, while in tears, and he wrote it as quickly as he could. 

One of the things I found that I will link is an article done by Richmond, VA's own Haigh "Jam" Jamgochian done by Style Weekly. The article was from 2006 and mentioned he lost his brother in a plane accident in Cobb County, GA. (Jam was a very accomplished and eclectic Architect. I'd love to see or own some of his buildings or blueprints, honestly.) I searched the internet and found an address in Richmond. I didn't know if my letter would ever reach him but I wrote roughly five pages of every moment I could, no matter how painful it was to remember. I mentioned it all to my sis and she did the same. We felt called to let them know ... John saved our lives that day. He saved the lives of so many people. I can still recall it, it plays out in slow motion every time but after that letter a lot has improved. I couldn't be on the road and see ANY plane near the road (flying over even if it was a dot in the sky) without going into a panic attack and crying. Now I tend to remember and I can feel sadness but thankfulness and move on. It's been 26 years.

Jam couldn't read the letters himself, eyesight failing him. He lived alone at the time he frequented a Veteran facility and one of the women there read every word to him and said she shared it with John's sons and their sister as well. I had left my email address, if he did such things, in the letter and Robin (the woman who helped) emailed me to thank me and sis for the letters. We were friends on facebook for many years but I'd not heard from her in a long time. That brings us to today. When I saw the familiar last name, I found Jam's obituary from 3 years ago. I didn't know he had passed but he was up in years. In fact, next year he would have been 100. 

Our letters had given them peace. No one told them what happened. They only got the news he was dead. Our secret hero. Now they know and so does everyone else.  SO Thank you John for doing everything you could and saving so many people. And thank you Jam for having Robin respond and let me know you received the mail. I know you're all up there in peace together now.

If you want to leave virtual flowers, they have memorials on Find A Grave:
John Jamgochian Jr
Haigh Jamgochian